Years ago, I posted on this article talking about the suffering I experienced at the hand of spice. I was 14 and addicted to it, quit around 16, but that’s not the focal point of this story. A lot of people post their warnings. This is a warning, but it’s also a story of hope and recovery.
When I was a teen, my mom was married to a horrible, horrible man. When I was still a child, he was stern but gentle. He had a job as a nurse. As I started hitting puberty and my teen years, he lost his job and license for possession of marijuana.
This devasted my family financially. You would think after losing your medical license and being required to attend AA and NA meetings; you’d quit drugs altogether and realize some things have consequences. This man did not do this.
He immediately switched to spice, and things only worsened from there. Things are going to get massive in this post. Please be warned. As he smoked spice, he convinced my mom who is also a nurse to try it.
She’s a very impressionable woman, and she quickly started to love it. Her health deteriorated and her mental stability shattered. She was emotional and unable to control her bladder. She still has accidents to this day.
Her husband, on the other hand, was far, far worse. He would have psychotic episodes, violent outbursts. He stopped smoking spice from the store, instead of making it in our kitchen with a much higher potency.
I locked my door, and he kicked it in, causing the handle break. I can’t shut my door anymore. If I were sarcastic about a chore, he would hit me until I wet myself and make me finish the chore in my urine soaked clothes.
Despite him being unemployed, he’d scream at me to get a job. He would tell me to work, move out, or kill myself. Another detail is I’m disabled, with chronic pain and mobility issues. His moods would switch rapidly, and from violently aggressive he’d slide into being predatorily friendly.
I was made to smoke the spice with him; he tried to watch porn with me, he sent porn to my phone, he groped me and offered me money to flash him. He was a horrible man in my home, and my mother was too timid to protect me.
He manipulated her, told her the Bible says to our husband before children, told her she wouldn’t be a good Christian unless she listened to him. I do not doubt in my mind his abusive behavior was present before spice, but I think the spice made it worse and more prevalent.
As I neared 18, he started having health problems. He had trouble breathing and standing, and at first, we all took his as a sign of aging. At least until he started having seizures. Afraid of the law, he would refuse medical treatment and lie about what happened so we wouldn’t take him to the ER.
Later on, he had a heart attack that destroyed most of his heart. He lived, and he only broke more. He yelled at me near constantly, fought with mom about me, and would hit our animals hard enough to send them across the room.
Things came to an end when he tried to commit suicide in our backyard. My mom was infuriated, and she had enough. She was enraged that he’d attempt that with me home, that he would risk traumatizing me further by finding his corpse. She made him leave. That was August 2015.
My mom quit the spice. At least, after I threatened the person dealing it to her. We recovered together. We got her medical treatment, I got into therapy for all that her husband did to me, and slowly we healed.
Today she has minimal accidents, only a slight smokers a cough, and unrelated pain from rheumatoid arthritis. We both work full time and try and take care of the house together, and we’ve gotten pets that her husband would never let us have.
I’m director of Youth Services for a local non-profit, and she has gone back to college to get a higher nursing degree. There’s hope for the future, no matter how horrible things get. It’s still hard, but we are getting there, and I’m so excited that I get to have my mom back again.
I never thought that I’d be so blessed that I get to start my life over and bond with my mom at 20. I was sure her husband would either kill me, I’d kill myself, or I’d just run away and be homeless. But I was wrong. Things get better!
Please get help, everyone. Try and heal.