Hey guys, my name is Sharni – Sharni Butterworth is my proper full name.
I am a female, from Australia and I’m currently 21 years old. I have a 3 year old little boy, he is what I call my world. I also have a partner, who would be down under as my world as well.
Until something called “synthetic weed” got in the way of a few things or should I say EVERYTHING.
So basically, I’m here and am about to write about my story regarding “synthetic weed”, also known as “XXX, WHITE LIGHTNING, RED LIGHTNING, CAMP FIRE, PURPLE HAZE, THRUST, GREEN DOT, TORNADO” ETC.
I’m guessing them names would be the Australian names, as I have noticed, from reading other articles, most people refer names such as K2, SPICE ETC and I am guessing those names are from the stuff made overseas. Anyway, my story begins like this…
One day, I had a friend, he is still a friend till this day as well. (No names) He had decided to tell me about this stuff that was sold at the over 18+ stores around town and in saying that, this friend of mine is NOT, I recall, is NOT responsible for my addiction. Everybody is responsible for their own actions at the end of the day, and I was the one who made the choice to smoke it.
After he told me about it, a few weeks later, we had gotten a 1 gram bag of synthetic weed to share. I will never forget my first ever experience, it was hell, it was hectic and it hurt my brain. All I remember was that I was sitting in my friends car garage on the floor like a primary school kid, I thought I was in bed, yet I was sitting up, not even knowing where the heck I was. I had flinched a few times as if I was just dosing off to sleep, but it wasn’t that, it was the synthetic weed playing games with my head. Next thing, i noticed, I wasnt even half way through my smoke or as myself and my friend liked to call it a “doobie” and then next I’m laughing really weirdly, but then crying hysterically. I panicked, but I let it roll out in the end as it is the best thing to do. I also remember saying “help me”. It was an experience I had.
I couldn’t wait for it to leave my body at the time of feeling that experience, and when it finally came to that time of wearing off, I had called it a night and went home to sleep. But then, what I like to call, the devil got me, I never thought I would ever want to touch it again after my first experience. But my friend and I had some more, then more, then more to the point we were sending ourselves flat broke just to have a hit!!!
It got to the stage where myself and my friend were giving our personal belongings to a pawn broker store close by, trying our very hardest to borrow money off anyone and everyone.
Synthetic weed is not cheap, either. For a 1g-1.5g is around the $25-30 mark. Now, if you have never had or been addicted to this stuff, of course you’re going to assume and think it’s no big deal and that it’s only $25-30, who cares sorta thing.
But then take a step back for a minute and have a think, think about those who have been or are currently addicted and was and are spending that sort of money just on “synthetic weed” twice or maybe 3 times a day?? It’s not good and it gets you in debt a lot quicker then you would ever think!
Well, unfortunately, that was the road myself and my friend had taken for months and months. It was even getting to the stage where I started not caring about my son’s needs, my life, my future etc.
It even got to a nastier stage, where myself and my friend were smoking it anywhere and everywhere. Myself and my friend had this course that we were attending in the city, but do you think we had studied and gotten our certificate? Nope!, all we did was kept removing ourselfs from class just to go have a hit. To the point we would ditch school and go smoke the synthetic weed out of bongs in alley ways in the city (Melbourne). To the point, we would sit in my car all day and all night and morning greened out.
Then one day we had been CAUGHT by my friends mother, which was the biggest embarrassment of our life’s really. The people close to me at home had even noticed me coming home off my face. Had noticed my character had changed and that really I had changed all together. I never spoke to anyone anymore, I never showed interest in a thing other then getting a hit or getting high!, getting high was made to be my priority and really, I regret doing that to myself.
I basically lost who I was, forgot what life was about. At that time in my life, I was also with another person, the father to my son. This nasty synthetic stuff screwed with my relationship. I was going behind my partners at the time back, ditching our time together just to get high and getting worse to the point I cheated on my partner at the time with my friend I was smoking it with.
Everything crashed, I lost almost everything. The only thing I really had left was my son and my family, if that!
After my partner at the time and I broke up, he wasn’t happy when he found out I had gotten addicted to “synthetic weed” and had rang child protection services on me!! That was another stage of my life that was hell, all because I wanted to get high, but I also don’t blame him because he was only looking out for our son! (Something I should have done in the first place).
Before that though, myself and my friend I was smoking with had a fall out or just should say “break”. It was getting to much and it just got to the point where it all hit rock bottom. But we knew it would, it was only a matter of time.
One day, I became really really sick before falling out with my friend, I was vomiting bile, on the couch for 2 days straight, dehydrated, suffering hot and cold flushes, nausea, diarrhea etc. It may not sound all that bad, but it is and having gone through that, I wanted to call smoking quits.
My friend continued smoking it though. Which was a sight I regretted seeing.
After recovering from being really sick, I had gone to see him to tell him that he would need to stop, being sober and looking at my friend who was still high was incredibly hard. It made me realize more how much different he looked, how unhealthy he looked etc and to know I was like that just only a few days before seeing him that way just made me want to scream. I wanted to do whatever it took to help my friend, but I knew he could only be the only one to help himself. I never left him in the dark to quit on his own, or I never stopped contact with him either as I wanted to be there for him. Until one day he had hit rock bottom himself and then wanted to be on his own until he sorted his life out etc. Which was probably the best thing he could have ever done. Same with myself.
Getting back to the child protection services situation – in the end, I had aced them and gotten them out of mine and my son’s life, but it was a rocky road and a hard stressful one as well. It took a lot out of me, and I just wasn’t myself for months and months.
That would be my first story there…but now, number 2 is coming.
I found a new partner, who I am currently still with and I absolutely do really love. A few months later, I had decided I wanted to get another bag of synthetic weed just for a laugh, which was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have known straight away I was going to get addicted again and I did.
Everything that had happened to me in story number 1, basically all over again in this story although, my friend still till this day, is clean and doing well for himself and he has made me proud.
Me on the other hand, got addicted again, nearly losing my partner, my family, my mother, friends etc and even my personal belongings. I caused myself so much debt, so much damage to myself to the point I was ready to kill myself. Lose my own life over synthetic weed!!
I was having bad dreams, not sleeping, eating etc. Then some days I would feel really bloated and yuck and even getting high couldn’t stop it for any more then 20 minutes. My body had gotten so immune to the synthetic weed I was smoking, that I was doing anything just to get a trip and a horrible one as well. It never worked, nothing worked, until one day, once again, I got sick, throwing up in the toilet, sitting on the toilet in excruciating pain with diarrhea feeling like really I was having a baby all over again as it felt like contracting pain.
I realized I was in square 1 all over again after feeling like death, realizing also, that it wasn’t just the people around me being affected, it was myself as well, feeling like I didn’t want to exist anymore was the worst feeling ever to have. The suicidal thoughts existing in my head were scary etc. Realizing my own mother was made to burst out in tears because of my anger outbursts, nasty things said by me etc.
In the end, synthetic weed really screwed with my head, it had changed me, changed others actions towards me, I lost a lot of people’s trust, I lost a lot of things.
It is something you really just want to stay stay away from or get yourself out of!, still till this day, I sometimes struggle, but I will do whatever it takes to keep clean and stay away now, after all it did to me.
It took over my soul, my life and I just couldn’t do it again. It is not worth the drama, the time, money etc.
If anybody struggles from addiction or you know a loved one suffering, do whatever you need to do to either help yourself or help them. You or they will need it in the end, and do it before it’s to late.
I haven’t been clean for a year, but I will post up in a years time with how proud I am of myself to know I would be a year clean without it.
For those also addicted but want to quit it and quit it right now – as I am writing this or you are reading this – throw away your empty bags, pipes, bongs etc. Have nothing in sight that will remind you of the thought of getting high, write down a journal, do things to occupy yourself and or if you don’t have one already, look for a job or stay focused on what is really important.
I can 100% tell you right now, synthetic weed is not important and my opinion on it is it shouldn’t exist and or be legal to sell!! It changes everything for the bad and it is not worth losing everything over.
If anyone reading this would like to even have a casual chat with me in regards to addiction, as I find talking to others with experience or in situations can help, feel free to find me on Facebook under “Sharni Paige Butterworth” or just search under my e-mail which is [email protected]
Cheers guys, stay clean, stay healthy and stay strong!