This Was Sent To Us By “Anonymous-Ex-Addict”
I was addicted to spice for 3 years. I started using this stuff with a friend (at the time) who worked at NASA!!!! He give me the stuff when I was on probation it was called Mr. Nice Guy. I used it and swore up and down that he had given me real weed. (Take into mind this is the old/less harmful chemicals jwh’s and am’s that have been banned; the new stuff is ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD AND IN NO WAY LIKE A CANNABANOID REACTANT!!). After that day I didn’t use for quite a while.
I then found where to get it at a Convenient Store/ Gas Station down the street. So I went and bought a couple bags at $14.00 per gram!!!!! I would use it quite often as the effects did not last very long. I ended up deciding to move to another city. To stay out of trouble and to get away from the grip of drugs and drinking and to hopefully attend the college I had not when I had the opportunity in the past. Which I did successfully……. UNTIL I met a guy that worked at the naval ship yard.
He brought this stuff over called Stuk! and asked if I wanted any…… Well f*** me, I did what I had promised myself I wouldn’t; I used with him. I started to pursue the feeling again, I then found this stuff called Sonic Zero at a local head shop in my (then) new hometown of Norfolk and ohhhhh boy did it go down hill from there.
I would buy 3x 3.5g blueberry bottles per day for my own personal self. It was like a match made in heaven at first. I would purchase large wholesale orders as to get better prices so I could have it on an endless count. I did not work, I lied about being in college, I was the scum of earth. I used this stuff on a daily basis, ALL DAY LONG!. I had up to 3,000 empty 3.5 gram bottles of sonic zero at one point (That’s at least 10,500 grams in sonic zero alone!!!). Not to mention all the other brands I used when sonic zero was not available and all of the bottles that had been thrown away. But I am not going to get into numbers because there is no telling (honestly) how much of this stuff I have used in my times of constant use. Now…..onto what this has caused in my life.
At first it was great, laughing, giggling, slight euphoria. But then came nauseas vomitting scenes (I would not lie to you about this), I at one time used this stuff called RedBull, I was screaming to my girl friend to call 911 that I was dieng. I was throwing up due to a burning sensation in my Psolarplex area on my chest. I could not stop vomitting, when I was finally out of stuff to throw up, I would still gag and choke with nothing coming out. I ended up telling her after her asking me 100 times Am I sure and me saying yes. Finally I said No dont call them, the effects had worn off. Me being my ignorant self, came to enjoy this feeling at one point in time. Taking it as a near death experience as a high. Which may or may not be the effect on other people. (The stuff that caused vomitting and nauseas spells was 5fur144 a now long gone and banned chemical THANK GOD!!) So back to the sonic zero I went. There was a second ban and out came the PB22 chems.
With sonic zero I first noticed that I would emotionally break down at times for no apparent reason, It would seem as if people had no concern or goal to make me feel better in my times of distress (which simply was not true, I had loads of support from friends and family but I disregarded them as if it was a joke). I started to cry a lot. And me being a male, and someone who has never really cried before as an adult. This stuff made me cry ALOT, especially when I had no product to make me happy. I attempted suicide on several occasions due to the emotional distress I felt I had. I then went into a zombie state when I used. I would literally slobber on myself as if I had taken a narcotic pain killer. ( I know because I had my chest plate fractured as a teen in a quad/paved road accident). Or better yet as my friend explained how I was acting like a heroin addict. I would slur to the most extreme possibilities without speaking jibberish when I talked using the new/ at the time, legal product. I would use a little bit and literally fall asleep on the spot. Spilling anything I had in my hand. I would pass right out as if I had fainted. This got worse the longer I used. This is the stuff I used over 2,000 3.5g bottles off about 1 year into my addiction and continued to use for about another year and a half. My worst nightmare, sonic zero blueberry.
I think back at this stuff and still have cravings for it, but I tell myself its not worth the side effects and think about how much I hate it. This helped a lot in my road to recovery. I never had an intervention, I stopped on my own. Which I will get to at the end of this story/ 3 year documentary of my life. I started to sleep all day everyday, only waking up to use more and fall back to sleep. I would not eat or go outside. I lost over 30lbs due to this stuff in a little less than a year and turned pale as a ghost. I began to act and look like a living zombie. My eyes were always darkened due to me being tired all of the time and probably other causes/ side effects. I could not motivate myself to move at times, almost like a vegetable state (No lie whatsoever). I was scandalous to my friends and loved ones telling me how it was affecting me and their lives. I never stole due to this stuff, thank god. But I would beg for money from family members when I ran out and I broke down and cried when the stores would not have any product at all, even though they told me a shipment would be in the following day! Eventually I started to have extreme paranoia. I would hide in the corner thinking the cops were coming to get me for using this stuff. I had extreme anger outburst. One time I had got so mad at the head shop clerk for selling me cherry when I clearly stated blueberry, an honest mistake, but I took it very seriously as if I was being ripped off. I was shaking and very red in the face and yelling very loud. I then told my fiancé that I was falling off (self admittance I had a problem). (Just to add this in, another very terrible side effect is the tar, I would cough up penny sized globs of tar…every single time I coughed….still to this day after 3 months of recovery I am coughing this tar up. Also I could not go anywhere for more than 4-6 hours without withdrawals taking effect, I would sweat, shake, get emotional, make excuses to go out, my fiancé was pregnant and in labor and I took a 3 hour drive to go get this stuff due to sweats, cold chills, nausea, and other, overall, terrible withdrawal symptoms. It was a burden, menace, and threat to my emotional, physical well being, as well as to my relationship of 2 1/2 years with my fiancé.)
I then started to recover in a very slow process after my son was born. I went from 3 bottles/3.5g sonic zero a day to two. Then back to three and back to two. I then finally after months of this back and forth process, lowered myself to only using 1 bottle. Then I lowered myself to 2x 1.5g bottles/ a little less than the 1x 3.5g bottle. Finally the ban that got rid of this stuff came into effect. I did not like the new stuff after this as it made me even more paranoid, and overall it was shitty herbs used in the material makeup. This is the currently still available product! And when I say it is not at all the same, believe it, this is coming from someone who has used (so called spice) for a very long time. About 3 months ago when I last used ( had a relapse) I told my fiancé to call 911 again, except this time I felt as if I was having a heart attack, I felt like someone was coming to get me, and I felt as if my brain was a static mess. I told her I cant think right, my brain is acting weird, please call 911. I quickly corrected myself for the fear of admittance. And told her do not call 911 (even though it was very close to putting me in a body bag and I was feeling extremely weird)…. EXTREMELY WEIRD OUT OF MIND AND BODY NON-FUNCTIONABILITY, I cannot emphasize how psychotic this stuff made me feel!!
I did this for a few weeks, and finally decided I do not like this feeling at all and it is tearing my family apart, as well as my give a damn about anything. I did not like the feeling it was giving (even though I did in a weird way) so I told myself you have to stop. I threw away everything. I went completely sober for 2 months. I have recently started to drink alcohol due to severe depression (which may or may not be a result of the years of spice use), but it too is a problem I am having trouble copeing with. ..another point, my jaws would tense up on the newer product. Making me talk funny, act extremely paranoid as I felt extremely paranoid, and literally not talk due to me thinking people would notice how I was acting.
Let me sum this up so I do not go on all day with my problems and my experiences. Because the list literally goes on and on and on with the problems I have encountered while using this stuff, more so with the new products than the old. But neither is good. I finally in a way have completely quit all drug use due to this stuff. Nothing makes me feel the same anymore. Marijuana has ZERO effect on my brain. I cannot have a happy feeling, I laugh at stuff (movies, youtube videos, and jokes) only for the fact that I know that it is funny, not because I feel that it is funny. My brain is almost completely not producing dopamine, the chemical in your brain that makes you feel happy. Up until recently the top middle part of my brain would feel numb at times, as if it was un-functionble. Im starting to get feeling back in my brain as Im sure it Is slowly repairing itself. Weed now makes me feel paranoid as if it was spice. I now have extreme pressure in my groin area, due to (im pretty positive) either cancer or a hemorrhage in my body. I feel good, but it is taking a lot of effort to get my mind frame back into shape.
The way I view things in life, and my perspectives on things has changed, noticeable enough that I can look back and remember how I used to be and see the major changes in my personality, emotions, and physical appearance, (something I did not notice or refused to notice while using). I promise everyone who is struggling with a spice addiction, that there is hope, there is change, and there is sobriety. You have to be motivated yourself though. No one can force anyone to do anything they do not want to do. If you try and tell your family member, friend, or loved one that they have a problem, they will rebel and use out of spite. This is the mind frame it gives, and do not let anyone tell you any difference. If you use spice you will use every trick in the book to make people think it is OK and NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. Or use the comment at least its not illegal. TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO USED THESE EXCUSES, THEY ARE ALL LIES. SPICE IS ABSOLUTELY A DEVIL/DEMON IN SHEEPS CLOTHING waiting to jump out to unsuspecting victims and ruin there lives. I feel so bad for all of the people who have not had support, or family members just do not care. This is a strong brace to have in time of recovery. Assure them you love them for who they are, assure them that they are still the same person in your eyes, and then after saying these two things, tell them or explain what you have noticed, After asking if you can ask (the user) a question without them getting angry or argueing or ignoring you. I know this is what I looked for and never got. I was only told I was P.O.S, Wasn’t the same, and I was going to be (basically) disowned if I did not quit. This just hurt my feelings and sent me crawling back to my only void (spice) to find comfort and numbness to this feeling of emotional hurt. I was begging for help and never got it, I was brushed off as if it was no big deal and I could cope with it myself. It was hard, but I did it on my own. This is not to say that your loved one, family member, or friend will have the same strength or ability to do so. Support is key In spice recovery. After 3 suicide attempts my family started to see I was asking for help. FINALLY!. They would call everyday to make sure I was doing okay. They would tell me everyday that everything was okay. It was a sincere feeling of comfort that I had not experienced in a long time. As this brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat thinking about this part of the story, to know what I had to go through before anyone tried to help me recover. It saddens me yet makes me happy that they come to my rescue in my biggest time of need and supported me. Although this helped in a very large proportion. I only quit because I had the will power, need, and want to make quitting the use of this stuff possible.
For anyone out there who is having trouble quitting this stuff. Just know that there is a brighter side after you quit. You will feel better in every way possible. I know at first it may feel like you want to die or no one loves you anymore. This is the drug asking you to come back to it. This is with any addiction. I know there are going to be a lot of skeptics and nay sayers to my story and advice. But they are the ones who will have the biggest problem recovering. Do not listen to them, take my advice and quit while you have your sanity. The people that use with you will try to convince you not to quit. This is only so they can come over and use your stuff when they run out or cannot afford it. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. I cannot emphasize this enough! Trust me that this stuff they call LEGAL is no f***ing good whatsoever. It will deprive you of your emotional, physical, and personal integrity. It will make you feel like the scum of earth when you are in fact a unique, person in one. Eveyone is different, no one is the same in every way. So do not feel like you are not going to be accepted once you quit. You will, the only difference is it will be by people who aren’t using you for your product or money. Real friends, real family, real loved ones will come back or appear in your life. It may take up to a year to fully recover, maybe longer. But I can tell you I am feeling better than I have in the Last 3 years. I feel like a new person. My self confidence Is restored, and my sanity is restored. I do not feel the temptation of breaking down emotionally anymore. Although I still shake at time, probably due to the severe damage this has caused physically and mentally. But it is nothing near the shaking I had experienced when using. If you look at crack users or meth users and say they are crack heads or meth heads. There is probably someone looking at you saying you are addicted to something whether you notice them or not. Once again quit now while you are ahead. If you are not ahead quit now so you can get back ahead and continue your life being happy and not in a zombie/numb to feeling state. Everyones experiences will be different as with any drug. But 9 times out of 10, people notice you are on something if you are using spice. They make think your just going crazy as my fiancé started to think about me.
I wish you all the best of luck in your time of need. I hope that you can do as I did and stop using this stuff. It will be the best possible thing you could do at this time. It will only get worse, and the effect will only be more extreme as new bans come out and they further change the chemical compounds in these products. They are far from a cannabinoid anymore, mimicking the effects of methamphetamine or cocaine at times. I wish everyone the best of luck in their recovery. And may you never relapse. Although relapse is a part of recovery in most cases, it is not an excuse to keep using. Keep this in mind.
Im signing off now. I do not know if this affected anyone in anyway but I hope it did and would appreciate any comments, whether the comments are criticizing or supportive, they are in fact just anothers personal opinions or personal experience. Everyones life experiences are different and not everyone will be able to pull through there addiction problems. This is a sad reality but you should not end up being one of the people who do not recover because you are stronger than that. Keep that in mind. Good bye everyone!