This is my 2nd go at sobriety with this…in the beginning what’s the big deal? Affordable, insane high, I can buy this at the store! F*ck yea! It started easy going at parties. Then I made the mistake of getting high on synthetic and having sex while on it…I love and hate that I have the knowledge of what that feels like. Since that point I have lost a 10yr marriage, a great deal of pride and dignity, memory, great career so…kinda a lot.
My divorce was my 1st attempt at being sober. By that point we were soooo sick. I got to the point that i had to be carried into the ER because i was too weak to carry myself. And too stubborn and proud to ask for help. In my line of work that’s a game ender. Even anyone finding out about it is a game ender. Did they ever..no.
I quit not the substance the job. but then I just needed to “step” off it right? Just smoke less till you dont. Because with out it I literally thought I would die. As I sit here day 2 round 2 “human wash rag” (that’s how I describe the feeling of simultaneously vomiting and shitting your self) I know that I will not die but do need help. I was sober for about 6 months the 1st time this time I hope it’s for all time. I know this is pretty vague but it’s a start.
And reading these helped me more than most things. Thanks!