My lungs will never be the same. They are permanently damaged.
After doing it a year straight.
My fiance and I spent thousands on our habit, and it only got bigger.
It started affecting my mind. I know I’m not alone.
I eventually had to admit to myself that I was slipping and grasping and reaching for words, more and more, – it’s like early Alzheimers.
I was freaked out – nah, no, it’s just a panic – but I started to see it for what it was, because, even when I wasn’t using it was happening. Smoking 24/7.
It’s been eight months, and I’m still not all mentally there.
I am misspelling my memory of the last several years or songs, product names, movie names, tv shows – I can’t remember a lot.
My body weight, it kept falling off and I knew I was gonna die.
Even after we would run out of money, the inability to eat for weeks, the radical temp changes during our withdrawals, the one time his kidneys almost failed early in the beginning after our second withdrawal session. Rhabdomyolysis.
YET we continued…..
My 30 and 45 lb weight losses.
Yet we continued……….
Not being able to sleep for days.
The maddening tossing & turning.
I have never had withdrawals, even on meth pills, anything.
Wasn’t able to quit, continuing to do it again after promising myself it’s finished.
Only being able to quit after we’d pawned everything and were completely broke.
I felt like a failure.
Meth wasn’t this bad – and that’s been ten years now!
I would get high and bang my knees and pray to a God that doesn’t seem to exist, beg Him, please, to release this bondage.
A year later, we got clean for five mos. Only after attending a program daily and building huge support around me.
I then relapsed on pills and immediately got back on Spice. Thank God, a month and a half later our town went dry and threatened all shops with felonies, so they yanked products fast.
I never even tried to buy it online.
It took a while to quit, looking in town and it was over. 🙂