I am a day shy of 21, male from Las Vegas
What a wonderful website dedicated to helping people reclaim their lives. This drug has had it’s claws dug deep into me for over 3 years. Please believe me when I say that I would stay smoking. If I would go to California for “vacation” I would need to bring enough to last, or leaving Las Vegas wasn’t even an option. And when I would drive there by myself please believe I was going 80mph steering with my knees and constantly rolling joints. Wouldn’t even stop. I would smoke every single time I drove my car ANYWHERE. The two times a day I would buy from the smoke shop, I would sit in the parking lot and roll up and drive off. I’m serious when I say I was constantly smoking. I wouldn’t even go out to dinner with the parents because I knew I wouldn’t be able to smoke for 2 hours. I feel like I would be the perfect test dummy for any scientist looking to see the effects of synthetic marijuana use. A generous guess of the amount of money that drug has stole from me is over 2500$ of straight spice and rolling papers. I can calculate that based on my repetitive life of smoking at least 3 grams a day. And that’s so sad knowing it cost about nothing if they are selling the best available for 8$ for three grams. That should slap you and be a wake up call. But nope not me. I loved it. I passed multiple drug tests for jobs smoking as I pulled up to take the drug test. I do not know one person who smokes this sh*t except me. I lived high. It’s amazing that I’m still alive. I should have been in a car accident or dead from constantly pumping that toxin in my body. I’m so blessed that my body has allowed me to stay high and not shut down.
Sleeping is the worst. I wake up EVERY hour and have to smoke to go to sleep. So I made sure I had spice by the night. I wouldn’t not have smoked because I knew for a fact I would be wide awake the whole night until 8am when the smoke shop opened, or I would get very little sleep and wake up freezing in a pool of sweat. And you better believe I was there even before he was to open his shop. I’m trying to give you an idea of how constant it was in my life. I had to have it everyday. Name a day the past 3 years and I bet my life I was high majority of the day. I was still able to function having a normal job as a lifeguard. But know everyday at work I had it on me and was smoking at work.
December 2012 came and it slapped me. I need off it. I was killing myself and losing friends faster then my joint was burning. I am lucky enough to have the most wonderful family that was willing to do anything to help me quit. The first time I had no idea how addicted I was. My family did though. My mother took a week off of work to sit by my side and comfort me as I was coughing up pure black sh*t, couldn’t breath, had major sweating and was being a total asshole to anyone who spoke to me. I got myself into NA and was exercising constantly. I got huge! My body loved not having that inside me and honestly, being sober was so weird to me it was just like a drug!! I thought i didn’t need NA and rode that high feeling. That march 10 was my first sober birthday in over 5 years. Everything was great until that one morning around march 20. I remember like it was yesterday. I woke up and nobody was going to stop me. I was going to buy that jar of poison and only smoke it today for old time’s sake. I mean why not? I just got a new car and the body I wanted and what would one time hurt? Wow just repeating it brings me to tears.
Well it got me again. Just to get an idea of what I’ve been living, read the first paragraph again. Yes I relapsed for a year constant. Every day every second. Losing all my friends and family’s support. I know it absolutely killed my parents to see it happening. I would hide it until I finally got right back into the same repetitive cluster f*ck of a life I have been living. It’s like I totally forgot what being sober felt like. Being sober was once again, smoking all day everyday. There were few times where I was clear minded enough to realize what I was doing. But I just couldn’t stop. Because that sh*tty feeling of failure was so easily covered up by bumping rap music and driving to one of the hundreds of smoke shops in Las Vegas where spice was so easily available and cheap.
I know I don’t want to live like this. I am a college student who passes his classes, but remembers nothing about them. Seriously. I’ve given them thousands of dollars for me to go high and sometimes leave early because It had been over an hour since I smoked. I asked my family for help quitting again, and they were happy to help. The last time I smoked was 2 days ago. I was prepared this time though. Going to a psychiatrist and explaining what I’m going through he told me it’s perfectly normal to go through withdrawals with this horrible synthetic drug. He prescribed me a non addictive anxiety medicine and trazadone to sleep. I have been sweating crazy from my hands, bottom of feet and armpits. Even as I write this I’ve had to wipe my drenched hands over 30 times. My mood is surprisingly not too depressed or on edge. Don’t get me wrong I still am, just not as much as I expected. I’m just mad about the constant sweating. Lucky for me the trazadone is working wonderful. I take 200mg of it and I have no trouble sleeping at all. I highly recommend asking your doctor for this medicine because it works. Since I’ve already been through this, and luckily this time it’s not half as bad, I know I will feel great by Wednesday.
Tomorrow is my 21st birthday and I couldn’t think of a better present to give myself. Tuesday I start a 4 week chemical independence class which is going to help me not relapse just like the last time. It’s impossible to do it yourself if you are as addicted as i am. Because know you will always be addicted. It’s choosing not to do it and having the strong willpower even in though moments where nobody is going to stop you is what I’m so excited about. I know I cannot leave my parents side until then. Tonight for my 21st bday I will go out for an hour or two and straight back home. Luckily the smoke shops aren’t open at midnight. But I know I’m not strong enough yet because it’s still In my system. And anyone that knows this drug, knows once it’s in you, you need more and more.
Guys I know it’s easily said but, I am just as addicted as you. But i want help and went about doing something about it. That’s what sets me apart. So what’s stopping you?
I have compassion for anyone going through this struggle. It’s a battle but it’s also your life. Let’s reclaim our lives TOGETHER.