To the dearests of supporters,
Hello name is Ryan, i’m 21 years old. I’ve been wasting away on my privileged health by selfishly smoking “K2” or “Spice’ for 5 years. Even as I compromise my own thoughts onto this story, I have problems typing smoothly because of my jittery hands… they shake so vigorously. My head constantly aches if I don’t go lie down somewhere and start shaking my myself in a fetal position and I’m very easily fatigued even by the most simplicity of going up the stairs in my house. I get strange recurring dreams and nightmares when I fall sleep only to be waken up the same jumpscare in the same part of the dream, I’m hungry but I can’t keep food down my stomach and I think my gallbladder just shutdown his month. I can’t breath regularly anymore and I feel like my life I just falling into a deep dark depression in my own spiced mind.
It’s scary man, I mean this is MY life that the spice is doing to so many other teens in the US. I was just another 15 years old as a Japanese american teen going to school with the bad crowd. and when there is a bad crowd in a High School full of drug curious teens? You got weed on campus. I was easily influenced into smoking weed and soon became addicted to marijuana because of my addictive personality.
One time we had no “sources” for weed, so we heard about this legal weed, THEY told us that it was just like smoking illegal weed, similar effects and prices and you can just buy at the smoke shop, we just had to go get some. Visited the smoke shop in LA, got a gram container of spice called Diablo and we were off smoking. My friend that I bought the spice with immediately knew that this new synthetic spice was no good so he never did it again. Unfortunately for my addictive personality, this new fake weed sh*t is all I needed. Convenient, cheap, and effective. Ever since that day, I’ve been smoking this toxic leaves in a plastic for 5 years where I’ve made little efforts to stop only to relapse over and over again. This habit of smoking it is just so disgusting to be around and I just can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE!. I can’t maintain a proper poster in public so I lost my job as a waiter, my room always smells like an oil refinery, and there is always visual evidence that I’ve been smoking it. Messy particles of the spice on the carpet or the smelly black stains on EVERYTHING, even my face and fingers! My eyes are always blood shot red with really bad bags under my eyes. And I think the worst part of it is, is doing to my social life.
The night the devil enter my body and has never leaved this place. It has physically and emotionally scared me. After going a day without a smoke, the withdrawal symptoms begins to ravage my corpse.I get this insanely overwhelming feeling of tiredness and paranoia. The physical breakdowns are just as worse. Sometimes I would curl up into a ball and lie my hands on my stomach because I would get serve abdominal pain along with dizziness and having issues breathing. Even just looking at a piece of spice makes my head spin out of control and my hands shake uncontrollably. I can’t even be in public anymore. I lost the respect of all my friends because I would always avoid them to go get high on spice. I even lost my best friend and girlfriend. One of them said to be before shutting his door into my face, was what I was becoming. A zombie. I don’t know what I would’ do if my parent’s found out that I was on this kind of habit. That’s why I try to avoid them so they can’t see what I look like. I wouldn’t leave my room at all. I was too scared to let my family see how much i’ve failed my body. I hardly take showers or brush my teeth. My skin is grey and rough, and I get horrific acne breakouts when I stress out.
I love my family dearly, I would do anything to rehabilitate the demons I’ve let loose onto my self. I don’t want to live of my days knowing my mom and dad not trusting me. They let me into this world as an infant. Provided me with needs and wants of all the things a wanty teenager would want and all I’ve given them was another drug to the family. I want to interact with my mom more by doing chores and cooking, but the appearance of my disfigurement due to constant smoking has given me no choice but to neglect the thoughts of moving in with you again and apologizing. I know what my family would do If they see me and known the truth about me.Would be just to devastating for me to look at he at the time. I am truly, very sorry for experimenting with drugs with my life. I just wish that I would have never entered that place 5 years ago. I’ve learned that the long term damage any kind of narcotics does to you is not even worth the thoughts of the buzz I was trying to go for back then. It’s not worth losing a LIFE to! You guys are in control of EVERYTHING, don’t let that small voice in your head pick up that pipe and smoke because it WONT. make modifications and goals to abide to. Acceptance and forgiveness is all i want of my family for what I have put them though. I’ve stayed up ALL night writing this small story and to be honest, just being able to share my f*cking life’s experience with spice with other’s whom may be going through the same, makes me feel like this website is my new home. A place I can hang out and not feel shamed. Together as a community you have made, I know that we can support each other in difficult times by just reaching out some sympathies towards each other. We as a community will ride out the this storm of pestilence as one strong individual who made through hell and back. We all feel the same way because of this one particular drug we sought as a way of life. Only to be introduced to a life of pain and suffering. Thank you guys for taking your time with me to read thought my story of my life.