It was November 2019 when I smoked spice. I was a weed user at the time and found a small baggy on the floor, which looked like a weed, so I picked it up. I gave it a smell and instantly knew it wasn’t weed because of the smell.
I knew it was spice, so I made a joint with a tiny sprinkle of the drug mixed with weed. I took two drags off the joint and felt light-headed and dizzy, and my heart rate became really fast, and I thought I was going to die, so I stopped. The next day, I took another 2 drags, which changed my life for the worst.
The effects were the same as the previous night. I felt dizzy and hot, and I remembered I hadn’t eaten, so I tried to go to my kitchen to make food. While I was washing a dish, my vision changed. It felt like I was tripping, everything looked like a cartoon kind of, and I couldn’t recognize my own arms.
Suddenly lots of negative thoughts started going through my head like a bad acid trip. I then got very anxious and felt like I was dying. I knew the dangers of spice, so this felt very real.
I’m now panicking, and I can no longer support my weight, and I pass out on my kitchen floor. I regain consciousness, and I’m confused as to how many times I passed out or if I actually died for a short period as I was alone.
The only thing I can think about is the fact I felt like I had died and went to hell. I was so scared, and alone I felt trapped in my kitchen like this for eternity. I heard laughing inside my head, which felt like demons mocking me.
I remember crying and feeling like this was it. A voice also told me this is what I’d have to suffer for eternity. Eventually, I sat down and tried to accept my fate in this hell. Then I took a breath.
When I breathed, I felt lifted up like angels, or God was lifting me back from the dead. I then started confessing all my sins and praying as much as I could because I wanted to be lifted out of this hell I’d fallen into.
Once I’d told God all my sins, I saw the light and was lifted out of this spiritual hell, and I found myself sweating and shaking on the floor of my kitchen, but I felt alive again.
For one month, I struggled to sleep and eat after. But exactly one month later I was smoking weed with my friend. I went into the kitchen and had a flashback to the hell I was in and realized I was in one huge loop of suffering where I’d end up here alone. I then had a huge breakdown and was screaming and crying because I didn’t want it to be like this.
Almost 6 months later, and I have never been the same since. I can no longer smoke weed because I just get horrible anxiety about dying and being in hell as it’s all inside my head.
I always think about the spice and how much it messed me up. I definitely think I’m traumatized by it. When I’m alone, I get so scared that I’ll be trapped forever by myself. I’m also scared of the dark now since it happened at night. Now, weed can’t calm me down anymore; it just makes me worse, and alcohol somewhat makes me more depressive.
I’m always anxious and depressed since the spice flashback I had a month after. I don’t know why I can’t get it out of my head that I’m doomed to go to hell, or I’m already there, or it’s just waiting for me the next time I die.
It was the most horrible psychotic experience. I now can’t sleep or go a day without thinking about it. I’m always worried I’m dead, or death will be horrible for me.
I feel doomed and hopeless most days, but even death won’t be an escape because I’ll just go back to hell. I wish I never did it. It’s ruined everything for me.