I don’t know how long ago this was posted or if my story will even be helpful. But yes there are people out there with similar experiences. When I was 15, I was in my ex-boyfriend‘s room at the time with a friend.
I had already been smoking marijuana heavily for a year and never had a bad trip. We were passing the bong around, and I took I think two hits. Next thing I know, I begin to start feeling anxious, and my heart started racing, so I lay down. I think I went unconscious for a little bit because I don’t remember what happened until I woke up.
I woke up and remembered the friend who was smoking with us was gone, and my ex was laying next to me in bed with a movie playing on his computer.I remember staring at the ceiling because I couldn’t move my body or speak. I felt like I was completely paralyzed.
So then I started listening to the audio of the movie and felt myself getting submerged in it (I literally felt like I was in the movie). That’s when I begin to start having what I now know where delusions of my ex speaking to the friend that was in the room. Before saying things like “We did it” “she’s gone” “she should die any minute” I begin to believe that this was a hit on my life and they were getting paid to murder me.
I could feel my hand twitching uncontrollably and my body beginning to shake, but I still could not move. That’s when I started to hear the devil (I was not religious at the time) speaking to me in my head beckoning me to hell. I was praying Lord, please save me, Lord please I will live righteously, literally the craziest shit.
I went unconscious again thinking that I had basically died, but I woke up the next morning completely sober and fine but sure as hell confused about what happened to me. I was really embarrassed about the whole situation, so I never asked the guys I was with if it was laced or what really was in there.
I tried to smoke weed multiple times after this and would always have a full-blown panic attack with my heart racing and speaking to God again. It had been two years after this and I had switched from smoking to drinking heavily. I was a sophomore in high school and an alcoholic.
My family sent me to a rehabilitation facility that also helped youth that had behavioral problems and mental health issues. It took a long time for this memory of my trip to resurface because I think I had been pushing it down for so long, but when it finally did, I spoke to my psychiatrist about it.
While I still don’t know to this day whether it was actually weed that I smoked or something laced she told me that drug-induced psychosis is a real thing. Basically, everyone’s chemicals in their brains are different so just like alcohol affects each person differently marijuana or drug you take will to do the same.
Some are predisposed to certain effects like for instance my mother used to smoke occasionally with me, and I remember her always having a terrible trip. One time I found her in the closet just laying there. I think for me it was genetic and after I had one bad experience, it ruined almost every other experience for me because I was so scared of reliving that again subconsciously. Now that it is six years later there have been times when I smoked marijuana recreationally with my closest friends, and I had a wonderful time.
I never smoke too much, but for me, it really does depend on who I’m surrounding myself with. I am a strong believer in energies now, and if the people you are around don’t radiate positive energy, I truly think that that affects your high. As for the effects that you’ve been having when it comes to feeling like you’re dreaming the scientific term for that is depersonalization.
For a lot of people, when their mind goes through a Traumatic experience, they involuntarily cut themselves off from reality if that makes sense to avoid any more traumas. After this experience that I had, I was in that trance-like state for about six months I think before I started drinking to try and feel something.
It wasn’t until I began to relive my traumatic memories and process them that I really started to feel like I was alive again. I have to mention that I also was put on depression medication as well as a mood stabilizer for about two years until I decided to live without it.
I know that what you are experiencing is scary and it feels like you may never come out of it, but it is possible with the help of people who know what they’re doing. I also know that it can seem like therapists or psychiatrists or whoever you are seeing currently don’t know what they’re talking about and that may be the case.
Therapy is different for every individual, and if you feel that your therapist is not helpful to you, I highly recommend getting a new one because there is somebody out there who is going to be able to relate or understand. I also don’t know if you have been put on any type of medication but when you have initially put on something it can take a while for it to take any effect, but after about two months or so if it doesn’t help at all.
I would recommend letting your doctor know and trying something different. Unfortunately, it’s really not a quick fix; it requires a lot of self-exploration and motivation to get through what you are going through.
For me, time and a better understanding of my illness healed everything. I still get triggered here and there by random things but talking me down always helps. Affirmations like “you are just having anxiety,” “you are not in danger” really helps. I’m so sorry that you are going through this and I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you it will be ok.