I’m 15, and I’ve never smoked weed more than 3 times in my life. The third experience I had ruined my whole perspective on smoking. At first, it was pretty chill, but I wasn’t careful. I went camping with my cousins and family.
When I came, my cousins were telling me that they hit the dab pen and how they wanted to do it again that night. I was like okay yeah I’ll join… thinking as if it wasn’t a big deal. So later that night, we decided to drink THEN hit the dab pen. I was pretty normal when I was drunk, nothing bad.
But once I hit the dab pen for 5 seconds, I immediately was gone. I panicked and took one of my cousins with me to the bathroom. I tried to calm myself down and tell myself that I was high. But I kept forgetting I was. I felt like I was trapped inside my own body.
My cousin told me to wait in the bathroom, but I didn’t want to be there alone just in case something happened to me. So, we went back to the camping site we were at. I went to them and told them I was really fucked up. They urgently told me my uncle was behind me.
Me, not wanting to get in trouble, said to them I felt sick instead, so they brought me to the tent. Mind you, my two other cousins and I hit the pen. My cousin has anxiety, and she hit it for longer than I did. My other cousin hit it for only 1 second, so she was chilling.
My cousin with anxiety and I were both escorted into the tent. We laid down. But soon after, she tried to sit up. So, I did too. Once I sat up, I heard screaming. It was her. It was dark out, everyone around us probably slept (some of our family members).
I tried to calm her down by hugging her, but she pushed me off. I fell on my knees, and I couldn’t move. In the corner of my eye, I saw her rolling on her side. She was hitting the side of my left thigh. It looked like she was possessed. I couldn’t do anything because I was stuck in my position.
All I could do was look up, down, or to the sides. As I look up, my family was outside of the tent watching the whole thing happened. They were all asking if we were okay. But I couldn’t function, and all I saw were silhouettes and a flickering light. It was like an old flickering scary black and white movie. At that moment, I started hallucinating.
I saw the web. A white network and a black background. And for me, that symbolized the waiting period. The waiting period for how long it’d take for me to be reincarnated. It got really religious for me. I asked God for his forgiveness and to make this feeling away.
I don’t remember it, but I prayed to him. I know this because my Uncle saw me on my knees in the corner of the tent, praying. After that, I blacked out. The same uncle who saw me praying carried me out of the tent and onto a chair. I remember everyone surrounding me asking if I was okay.
I got annoyed because they weren’t listening to me and started cussing them out. I’m pretty sure it was the drunk me talking. But, I saw their faces, and I realized I did something terrible, so I started apologizing. I knew I hurt them for doing this. Then, I just felt like this was the end. My end. I started saying my goodbyes to everyone surrounding me.
They told me I was going to be okay, but I didn’t believe them. After that, I completely blacked out. There were little snippets throughout the night of me getting into a car and my family asking me if I did anything else. But I eventually found myself in an emergency room. I cursed the doctors out, and everything was just moving too fast for me.
They tried to make me pee, but I was too stubborn to. As a last resort, they used a catheter. I didn’t know that until they stuck the tube in. I felt a sharp pain, I felt like I was being raped. Then, I blacked out for good that night. I woke up the next morning with my mom by my side. She looked anxious. I remembered the night before, and I just started bursting out crying. I always told her I was sorry. My dad came into the room and started lecturing me.
Then, the next day, we went to go out to eat. I was so out of it. I still felt like I was dreaming. Like, this wasn’t real. I couldn’t tell apart from real and fake. I told them how I was feeling, and they told me it’d probably wear off. It still hasn’t. It’s been two months and I even sometimes don’t know if this is all a dream.
I feel like I’m dead just because of weed. I feel like I died that night, but didn’t know. I feel like in another dimension, my family is living a life without me. It sucks, feeling like this. I feel really trapped. I never have panic attacks, but one night, I just started crying.
I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was going to die from a heart attack in my sleep. I cried so much that night that I needed to call my mom. She needed to sleep next to me for me to calm down. I still feel like I’m dead from time to time. Seeing everyone function so normally it is almost impossible for me to think it’s real. I just get quiet and don’t speak about it because I don’t think they’d understand. So, that’s my story.