I just found out about this site today and wish I knew about it when I was going through everything.
I’ve been sober for 2 years, which is weird to say because I never felt spice was as dangerous as other drugs but it is.
It got bad really fast. I wanted it all the time and was high most of the day.
I had a three year old at the time and would make her watch TV or play on her own when my wife wasn’t there to help, so I could go get high.
All I wanted to do was play video games or watch TV.
I would pass out or start vomiting from being too high and once woke up with my daughter not in the house.
I ran to the door and there were two girls who walked up with her and said she was two streets over chasing my dog who had gotten out.
I felt like the worst parent ever and said that was enough.
It lasted till the next day, when I succumbed to the addiction again.
I went on for another year and a half, smoking as soon as I got off work and all weekend. I lived for that time so I could do nothing but smoke and lay around.
We ended up moving into a 1 bedroom apartment, because I wanted to save money was my reason.
The truth was I wanted to have more money to buy spice, because I was smoking more and they were raising the prices all the time.
I slept on the couch while my wife and daughter got the room. This gave me more time to myself and a way to smoke all I want.
My wife hated it, but she was always drinking so that was my excuse to keep going.
We fought all the time, and I was so irritable I wanted no one to bother me.
We got into a big fight once and she swung at me and my natural reaction was to block and swing back. I hit her pretty good and felt no remorse because of the spice.
I would never think of striking a woman, sober. She was getting depressed and drinking more and now I know it was because the way I was while high.
I was unsocial, irritated, and in my own world.
We got into another fight not long after, and I hit her again but don’t remember much of that.
I only remember waking up to my wife who had shaved her head and cut herself up.
With the help of her aunt, we checked her into a rehabilitation center for a few months.
I was alone with my daughter and it only added to my stresses of life which spice took care of.
I somehow managed and even cut back, so I could take care of her because she meant more to me than life itself.
But I had PTSD, anxiety, and a really bad habit.
My wife finally came home, and I was happy because now I start smoking again and not have so much responsibility.
I got bronchitis not long after, and I can only assume the spice contributed because my immune system just felt weak all the time.
I was bed ridden for a month and did that stop me? No. I had a huge stash to get by and whenever I finished a bag, to make it last longer I would scrape my pipe to smoke the resin.
I soon as I got better, I was smoking more than ever – spending $30-40 a day. I didn’t care about anyone or anything but the high which didn’t last long.
I felt dirty and like an addict, which I was, but I needed it.
I finally showed up to buy some and they told me they are no longer selling it. I heard that a lot of places had been busted and cleaned out.
I used this opportunity to try and quit, before it was able to be sold again.
The first week or two were some of the hardest I ever went through.
I had shakes, sweats, and coughed up a crap load of stuff.
It took nearly 2 months to get over it, but now I’m done and realize the pain I caused. Not only to myself but my family.
I have my own house, coach my daughter’s soccer team, and have a new son. My wife and I kept together, and I am still making up for what I did to them all.
If you think you can’t quit, believe you’re stronger than any drug and try to see how others see you. How you’re treating them and yourself.
It can get better, and you can get past it.
You have one life, one body, and then it’s over.
I hope they stop selling this stuff and ruining lives – like I almost did.