October 25, 2014, I was 14 and decided to go out with my friends as if it was a regular day. On the way there, I meditated on the bus to calm myself down as I was feeling stressed.
I got there we were all having great fun, then another one of our friends shows up called James. He was very high, and I was wondering off what so I asked, and he would not tell me.
I walked over to another group of friends that I was familiar with but not close with and asked what they were smoking. My friend Harry who had followed me to the table answered that it was synthetic weed.
I had no clue what it was or how it worked, but the name weed lead me to believe that it was somewhat like a weed, and that seemed to be one of the safer and easier drugs.
So I asked for a hit, and I knew I had a good tolerance for alcohol, so I did not think that this would’ve caused much of an issue, not one hit at least.
I took it into my hand, sucked in the smoke as my friends said, Keep it in! Please keep it in and so I did for roughly 10 seconds before exhaling little to nothing, and it hit me.
As soon as I turned my head to look at Harry, I could tell something was wrong. Everything was moving in squares, slowing down, and I had a haunting feeling.
I felt unsafe and scared, so I said: “Wait, no no no no, Harry no no no help no no no!” I remember starting to beg as I lost feeling throughout my body. I completely lost control of my body and my mind.
I wasn’t even seeing what was going on, and what I was hearing was nowhere what was happening. I had vertigo like vision except it was nothing but at the same time everything.
At the corners of my eyes, I could see 4 realities playing out, except I couldn’t focus on any of them. I remember almost trying to select them sometimes except that every time I did, I felt like lightning struck me, and the whole sensation of everything going in would restart. I completely lost it.
I didn’t know what reality was. I couldn’t control what I was saying or doing at all, and I remember screaming out of sheer pain and begging for it to stop.
Most of the time, I genuinely thought I was in hell, and I had died. Other times I felt I was already lying in a hospital because something terrible had happened.
Another time I thought this cute guy had come, and I was trying to say his name, but I’m not sure how that came out. I also thought I was a mushroom in a mushroom world sometimes, which was one of the realities on the 4 “screens.”
Whenever someone had said something, in reality, it bounced in my head, and I attempted to grab it as if it was a rock falling from the sky, landing me back onto an Earth without gravity.
I remember feeling a sudden urge to kiss someone, and no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I am quite sure numerous people did because the sensation felt real, and I was around people whom I didn’t trust. I also am pretty sure I was touched inappropriately, but that’s not 100%.
I snapped out of it after around (what I found out was) 30 minutes, and I was so alarmed because I thought the cops came. I remember feeling a sudden sense of alertness but a throbbing headache at the same time.
I tried to orient myself, but the sensation of everything going in came back fast, and I was so scared of it happening again. I lay down on the floor. All the guys that were there were laughing and making fun of what I had said and done.
Someone made a joke about fingering, and that automatically reminded me of my trip, sending me down the spiral again. I lay down, desperately trying to calm down to prevent this from occurring again.
Every time someone said, “The cops are here!” it helped me snap out of it, so I asked people, scare me to prevent me from going into that spiral again. I felt nauseous and sad.
A girl I hadn’t spoken to before had been attempting to comfort me. I appreciate her so much for doing that because she was the only help there at a time where I was the most desperate for help I had been in my life.
I got up and asked my friend Ryan if he could take me home. He didn’t help much neither did he make any effort, but he took me to my house.
On the ride back I texted my mum saying I’ll be a couple of minutes late because of traffic, luckily she had a headache, so she went to sleep early, meaning no trouble for me. I didn’t know how to feel, I felt very empty and confused.
I had no idea how I would fall asleep that night. I didn’t want to seem dramatic, but it almost seemed traumatic for me. I was convinced I had been to hell and back.
That night I could barely sleep, and when I did, I had taunting nightmares that would persist for the next weeks and months.
I felt an altered perception of reality and a curiosity towards human consciousness, which lead me down an existential spiral and a sense of nihilistic depression.