So my spice addiction began nearly three years ago when I was going out partying, and as a way to have a good time without drinking, I would smoke spice and then drive home. I would be the designated driver for my friends this way.
However, from been a weekend habit, spice began to seep into my everyday life.
At the time I was training five days a week to pass the fitness and swimming test required to get into the Navy.
I would smoke it after a gym session to eat more and gain more mass. However, this took a turn for the worse.
I was already a smoker and instead of smoking cigarettes when I was with friends I would secretly smoke the spice, especially around my girlfriend, she had no idea, neither did my parents. No one knew, and until this day it’s the same.
One day, I was a little sloppy, and my girlfriend found a packet of spice in my bin and asked me what it was, I lied and told her it was the pack of gum.
I kept lying, and she knew I was lying. I eventually told her, she ended up dumping me since she couldn’t trust me anymore, which is fair enough.
We had only been togeather for a year. I stayed in my room that weekend didn’t even go to work, just smoked spice. My excuse was I got dumped, and I was mourning. I lived with my parents at the time.
Shortly after that, I joined the Navy as a medic. I also cut spice for 2-3 months after the breakup and upon acceded to the Navy.
However we got to leave during recruit school, I began to smoke it on the weekends. Then I started to burn it on the base near the smokers area; no one had a clue.
20 weeks of recruit school, I was still smoking it. We had a drug test, the whole division, I was stressing, I was hiding my anxiety quite well as usual. Everyone (100 of us), we’re in a classroom, going out ten at a time to provide a urine sample.
I played at the back of the classroom like everyone else waiting their turn. However I was pretending to be having a nap, by laying my arm over my face, but underneath I was scared, crying and ashamed.
1 in 10 people was being drug tested for synthetic weed. Luckily I was last, so I wasn’t selected.
I gave up synthetic weed shortly after that and saw my ex; we got back togeather right before my graduation. I remained clean for a good month.
Then I began to smoke again in my room on the base; I would point the fan towards the window, so the smoke got blown out. Put a towel at the under the door to stop the smell of smoke getting in the hallway; light up scented candles. Watch TV and play my games and eat, every day.
Go home for the holidays smoke some more. After the holidays I began my medic’s course. I stopped smoking spice then for a full three months.
I began to have withdrawal symptoms which are why I was probably taken off my course six months late for behavioral reasons. It was the army, and I was not conforming to their statutes since I disregarded my classmates.
However I discovered the local sex shop sold spice and I began to purchase it, smoke it in my car for hours while watching movies on my laptop and playing on my phone.
My ex-dumped me again, so I was on Tinder sleeping with the local girls while smoking it. They had no idea, except one girl which I told because I was close to her; she was amazing in the bed.
She wanted to try some of the synthetic weed to get a buzz too. I gave her some drugs, but she lost it, she was all scared, grabbed my arms, it was like she was possessed, she almost passed out.
I bought her back using basic life support. I called 911. I couldn’t stay with her; I had a curfew and needed to be back at the base. I felt horrible and trying not to smoke spice anymore after that scary experience. However, I ended up smoking a week later anyway.
I battled the spice and still am. Four months ago, I went to my local Greek Orthodox Church; I saw an old friend. She’s now my girlfriend; I’m too afraid to tell her about my past.
She loves me a lot howler she has a father with a drug addiction who hurt her as a child; I don’t want her to associate me with him.
I went to a priest to confess, I cried and only told him about Spice, he hugged and said God would be with me; I quit for over a month after that.
An old friend of mine I used to smoke with wanted to see me, I did, and we smoked spice. I’ve been smoking almost every day ever since the past two days straight non-stop spice.
I’m having my break now; I’m too ashamed even to see my misses in my current status. I feel like I’m weak and sick and just helpless.
My friend is over, but I’m just pretending I’m sick. I’m too over, but I’m just pretending I’m sick. I’m too ass over, but I’m just pretending I’m sick. I’m too ashamed to tell an ass over, but I’m just pretending I’m sick.
I’m too embarrassed to say ashamed to tell anyone about this problem I’ve been going through for three years. I know it will kill me if I don’t stop.
Luckily I pray to God, and he helps me get through this, even though I’m always failing and repeating the same mistakes. Does not hurt to keep trying, I’ll get there.
I found out I’m seven weeks I am being terminated from the navy for my misconduct as a medic at the medic school. So now I need to go back to the unit and work as an Uber driver, I’ve bought this upon myself.
I don’t know how I live with this constant addiction; it is destroying me physically, mentally and spiritually. Somehow no one knows, I am excellent at putting on a fake smile, and functionality wise, I feel great when I smoke it.
I’m thinking of smoking some now, but I need to shower, and I’m hungry, I need help. Wish me luck, may God have mercy on me. I’m a mess.
Submitted Stories
“I felt horrible and trying not to smoke spice anymore” – Man
21
Dec
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