I first heard about spice in the news; I knew a girl who went into the coma after smoking the stuff when I was a sophomore in high school.
A couple of years past and I heard about it again, this time from a friend who told me that I could pass drug tests even when actively using the stuff.
At the time I was in a particular school that worked hand in hand with an adolescent recovery program, designed to help teen’s battle drug, alcohol and other addictions.
So we rolled up about a half gram of the stuff and smoked it, I thought that maybe the girl I knew had just smoked too much of it and that all the news stories I had heard were just exaggerating its negative effects.
I can’t remember the feeling I got from it, but I do remember that I hated it. I could feel my heart beating away on my feet every time, and it made me feel insane, nothing made sense.
Immediately after I came down, I just wanted to get high again. I smoked the stuff for six months almost, sometimes exceeding 10 grams in a day.
I would buy a pack of cigarettes and unroll half of every one of them and repack them with spice, so I could casually get high all day because the withdrawals from the stuff were GOD AWFUL.
I remember I came home one time after the gas station I would go to, was out for a little bit and spent an hour dry heaving, sweating and my head felt like it had ants in it.
I remember little from those six months, and I have been clean off of it for a year and a half, but I still notice the effects of it.
I was always intelligent, graduated top of my class and could read a newspaper article and recite it back, almost word for word, after just a short glance.
My short term memory feels nonexistent; I forget that I’m in the middle of a conversation and have to think about where I’m. My friends have gotten used to these random breaks in conversation but people I meet just think I’m a dick a lot of the times.
It’s tough to remember basic things like what I ate the day before or my bank pin number. I have to write everything down, and if I don’t, I’ll lose it forever.
And now, I am afraid I may have done even more extensive damage to my mind than I had first realized. Yesterday, I wasn’t able to go to sleep, so I decided to count sheep, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see the sheep in my mind.
In fact, it’s like I don’t have a mind’s eye at all anymore. I can’t picture my grandfather’s face anymore. I have hope that as time passes my mind will be able to rebuild the connections I so stupidly destroyed.
And I urge anyone who is considering using spice, has used the spice or is using spice, PLEASE, get help. I wasn’t able to get away from it without the aid of AA which I was already integrated too. Find friends, find family, find professionals and PLEASE be honest and ask for help.