It’s been a few years since my last experience with synthetic marijuana (spice/potpourri). It was an experience that has had lasting traumatic effects mentally.
I searched the internet for years trying to find an explanation but never found anything close until today.
I came across a video on the youtube channel “psyched substance”( check it out if you’ve never seen any of his videos they are great). He was covering a bad DMT trip and entering an infinite loop.
Although not a perfect replica of my experience, it was close enough that I felt it was the same type of thing. Now I’ve dabbled in DMT and researched it. The general consensus is that it produces a near-death experience feeling.
I bring this up during my spice experience, I was sure I was dead and in hell. Before I go on, I want to clarify that while DMT is a very intense experience and can be difficult and scary at times, it is not to be categorized as synthetic marijuana.
Two totally different substances, whether the extreme effects I felt could be similar or not. On to the story. A few years back, I was with a friend who smoked spice regularly and had had some negative reactions but never described anything like what I experienced.
At the time, I was a heavy pot smoker but had only tried spice once or twice lightly with no real adverse reaction. Anyway, I took my friend to a work thing, and she asked me to go pick up some spice from the local head shop.
So I went and finally found the shop and walked in and saw the “potpourri” baggies. All had a cool artwork and name. I figured what the hell (no pun intended) and got a bag for me.
I left and went to pick my friend back up when we decided to pull over at an obscure college parking lot. She packed a bowl and gave it to me. Me not thinking, and being the heavy smoker, I was ripped that bowl hard.
Instantly I knew this was different than anything I’d ever encountered. It hit hard and fast, ill never forget “hello” by adele on the radio as her voice rang out reality vibrated out in a shockwave as everything in me got so heavy and tight and continued amplifying.
I knew I was in trouble; what I felt was more than a high, it was a moment hard to explain if you’ve not felt it. More than panic, I knew I fucked up. I felt as if every breath I tried to take only made it worse heavier and tighter until finally, my eyes rolled back, and I was out.
Instantly I was in another realm. A realm where time had no beginning and no end in sight. In fact, it gave the feeling that it was inescapable. In this realm, there was no physical body, no depth, no space, no time.
The only thing was infinite black and white static with my pure consciousness at the center. Within seconds I was in great pain coupled with confusion and terror, thinking this is it I fucked up, I’m dead.
This is hell. All the while, the pain I experienced reflected stories of hell. It was as if my very soul was being ripped and torn and just tortured in a way that exceeds anything I ever imagined.
Just when I’d think it wasn’t possible to be in any more pain, it would amplify, and my shrieking would match. I was praying God to forgive me, I know its too late, but if it does not save me from this, please.
Then I without any of it subsiding, I started to feel as if I was on a spinning wheel spinning and twisting in a loop. I clung to the hope of life with every fiber of my soul trying to withstand this onslaught.
I kept repeating to myself. Don’t give up, it’s going to stop, it has to end. Over and over and over and over as it was the only way, I could bear it until finally, all in an instant, the pain subsided.
The static transitioned to black void just as if you had your eyes closed. I heard a counsel of 12 other “me’s” cheering me on clapping, saying yeah you did it, way to go.
You made it back, it’s ok, you can open your eyes. At that moment my eyes opened and there I was back in the car in that parking lot, my friend staring concernedly.
I instantly handed her my bag of spice and said here you go I don’t ever want to see this again, I’d like to go home. I was in shock most of that ride home and couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different.
The way the air felt, the trees perhaps. Something was off, and it was noticeable. I wondered if I had died but brought myself into a parallel alternate reality where I did survive the trip somehow.
I’ve wondered what brain damage I experienced from that experience. I believe it caused some damage to my internal organs. I’ve had some issues since that time that seem coincidental and far too early to set in normally.
I don’t know what to make of it all, but it has forever shaken and scared me to my core. I leave this poorly articulated story in hopes it brings another poor soul, that unfortunately understands what I’ve typed out here, comfort and closure knowing someone else understands.
Also, I must say this to anyone whether you’ve already tried the stuff or not. Get rid of the spice, or don’t buy it to start with.
I promise you, you don’t want to experience the hell it took me to, I promise you. You can’t possibly begin to understand how serious and severe the events I’ve told you truly were if they haven’t happened to you.
If you think it was just a bad trip and I had too much, I’ve had bad trips. I’ve lost my mind on LSD, panic attacks on mushrooms, and freaked out a bit on DMT, but nothing compares to how traumatic that spice was.