My first time getting high was today, and I am absolutely looking my marbles. Maybe it’s just because it was my first time but I actually felt like I died. Let’s rewind to the beginning: My friend hit me up and asked me if I wanted to go smoke, and I said yes. Mind you, I’ve gotten high before so technically not my first time, but it was never to this severity.
Anyways, we went to the park, and he took out a blunt. He went first and passed it to me. I’m not unknown to smoking as I actually vape, so I just took them for the same thing even though vaping quite gets you lightheaded. So as I’m taking my 8th hit that’s when I realize I was getting high. Everything was getting dreamy, and he was talking, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t understand what he was saying.
It was like being in a room with a TV on, but you weren’t paying attention, it was just background noise. Barely knowing my surroundings, he asked if I wanted to go to the mall and I said yes but in my mind, I was freaking out because I didn’t want to get up. We started walking, and he kept talking to me. I kept answering “yes” and “oh” and acted like I was listening, but truthfully I really wasn’t.
Eventually, I became less and less aware of reality and thought everything was fake. I kept forgetting what was going on to the point that my paranoia was getting worse by the second. We keep walking, and then my brain started convincing me that everything I was seeing was fake and everything around me wasn’t real and that’s when everything went wrong.
I got so scared I stopped walking and still heard my friend call out my name in the distance but then it felt like the lights went out (even though it was still evening). It felt like my soul left my body, and I was in some other unreal plane. I saw all my memories flooding through my mind from childhood to the present, and it felt like I could see them, but it felt like I was watching them all through a TV screen.
I started freaking out and was convinced, I made a mistake and now that I was going to die. I thought someone just pulled the specific plug on my life and that I was forever going to be trapped looking at memories not being able to speak. Eventually, I opened my eyes, and I saw my friend calling out my name and asking me if I was okay. I thought he was fake and that everything around me was not real.
He asked me if I was okay, but I couldn’t speak. Keep in mind, he is also high, and he’s freaking out because I’m on the floor and people were gathering around us.
I finally found it in myself to say I wasn’t okay and he asked me, “who do you want me to call? Your mom?” And I responded, “God.” While all of this is going on, I’m laying on my back looking up at the sky. A girl came into view and asked: “what’s wrong with her?” And I remember him saying “she got high.” The girl looked at me and said: “you’re going to be fine it has happened to me before don’t worry everything will be fine.”
At this point, I was convinced they were all fake and tried to get me to believe them. I was convinced I was going to end up being tortured by seeing the world how I shouldn’t have been seeing it. Eventually, I got up even though I was completely numb and barely could stand up. I remember a guy in the distance calling an ambulance and telling them that my friend was taking me away. As we were walking, it felt like I was seeing everything through a screen as if I placed a GoPro on my head and I was seeing everything through the camera.
Completely oblivious to my surroundings my friend kept telling me he was sorry and that he thought it wasn’t my first time. We managed to get into the mall, and I kept mumbling to myself that everything was fake but that I should go along with it because that was my life from then on. We managed to get to a Jcpenny and sat in a corner where I lay on his shoulder completely out of it. He told me just to watch YouTube videos and do not think about it.
Did I listen to him? Of course not! Watching videos, I kept questioning if it was all real or if the people on the screen were in on it too. We watched cringe Tik Tok compilations and gaming videos. We even watched Pewdiepies video that convinced me he was all in this scheme. I kept trying to fall asleep hoping it would also end though every time I closed my eyes, it felt like all my memories were all in a ball just turning in 360 degrees.
He kept waking me up telling me not to fall asleep but it’s not like I could. I was able to hear everything. It felt like my normal hearing was out from 50 to 100. I was able to hear everyone’s voice in the entire mall. The lady who was 5 feet away from me sounded like she was right next to my ear talking. I kept looking at everyone and was convinced they weren’t real, and they were just all robots.
Some kids ended up sitting across of us in the corner that was in, and it made things worse because then I thought this fake world brought back up to spy on me. They were all laughing and being obnoxious which didn’t help. My friend kept telling me he was hungry but I didn’t want to get up. He finally persuaded me to go eat, so we went to the food court and ordered food that was all fuzzy.
I kept questioning everything I was doing. We got soup, and I ate it and then got a chocolate shake. He asked me if I wanted to go home and at that point, I was just a tad bit more aware of what was going on. At this point, I was high still but enough to be conscious about who I was and everything around me. It just felt like I was walking in a dream. He took me to the bus and told me to text him when I got home.
Fast forward, because I don’t remember anything except trying to use my phone on the bus but it felt like I playing a phone simulator trying to unlock my iPhone X. I got home and then had an incredible urge to eat chocolate, so I went and bought chocolate still in a dreamy state. Walking all dazed home, I ate my chocolate and then tried to watch a movie with my friend. I started to fall asleep again and then it’s like I got high again.
I couldn’t distinguish real life from imagination. I’m awake now, but I still feel like I’ve been in a dream. It’s been 13 hours since I smoked and I Am In That State Of Paranoia And Being Scared. The most dangerous things that I missed out on was that I kept hitting myself and my legs and scratching my arms and pinching them and my friend told me to stop because people were looking.
I even tried to jump off the ledge and kill myself because I thought everything was fake and that if I killed myself, then everything would go back to normal. There was even a point when I blacked out that I was able to leave my body. It felt like I was able to push away my vessel and all that was left was my soul and when I looked around, all I saw were other people. It was so dark, but I kept hearing people, and without seeing them I knew they were there.
They didn’t have bodies though it was just their souls. Crazy right? I have no idea what I smoked, but my friend was there to hold me the entire time, but he didn’t want to take me to the hospital because he was afraid of getting in trouble. I’m too scared to do this again because it actually felt like I died and someone pressed a reset button on my life. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone the feeling of panic, fear, regret.
I wasn’t happy I was absolutely losing my ****. I guarantee you I am not doing this again because at the moment I’m questioning my entire existence. Please be safe guys, and if want to smoke marijuana, please do it with people you can trust that can be there for you.