Well I’m ‘that guy’.
I had no idea I have been battling anxiety with drugs and alcohol since I was a teenager. I turned 23 years old on sept 27 and am at the highest point if my life, even though I lost everything.
All because I realized I was a zombie from smoking fake.
Now I have to learn how to live normally without drugs.
I lived a normal life until 13 years old. My dad had just lost his battle with his own thoughts and addiction.
Third time was the charm.
Unfortunately, I had to be the last one to see him storm off and grew curious enough to stumble upon a large shadow hanging from a rope.
The man I looked up to had just given me the biggest fuck you possible.
This is where shit goes downhill.
My mom had been dealing with his lying, addictive lifestyle ever since they first started a family.
It all started with pot being ok in our house. It’s not a bad drug and it’s safer to do it at home, right?
Turns out the gateway effect is very real, in this case.
We all have addictive genes. Both grandpas are constantly sloshed.
I have done tons of drugs over the years, but spice has stuck around ever since spice came out in high school. I used to get so high I would skip first period. The Devil’s seed had set its roots.
I got my first girlfriend at 20 years old. The first girl to ever care about my feelings, dreams, ambitions, looks, etc.
Just looking into her eyes during a chris young song could make my whole day turn around.
A sexy, intelligent, and caring Purdue nursing student that could help me escape a life of addiction.
She and our dog were all I needed to make it, I thought.
I secretly was getting high every so often and was totally aware of my faults but the strong spice and beer masked my love that was deep enough for me to cry while I wrote love notes to her, as I watched her sleep. (Don’t laugh you do it too lol).
I quit everything for a while, because I finally confessed my horrible tasteless sin.
I rarely smoked spice off and on for the last 6 months of our relationship. Production slowed down, and I lost my dream job where my dad and grandpa made their careers.
I didn’t feel like a man and went back to drinking more. I could drink 2 tallboys in one 7 min “milk trip”.
But I went back, and here we are with nothing.
We met when I was too young and haven’t had my eye opener yet until she was totally gone. I miss my dog and my ex, but they know I’m doing better for myself
Spice is not what it used to be. It would just knock me out like a zombie and no one could do anything about it.
My brother was on heroin for a while, and he’s quit and stuff but now he prefers that new homemade spice.
It’s horrible, man, and it’s out here in my town. The same town that would leave food and cards on my house steps because they heard the horrible, ungodly wrongdoing of Satan on their own turf and they were not about to let us go down like that.
Recently, I had a huge realization and haven’t touched spice or beer in 5 days.
I’ve been stressed out so much with all of my breakup, my friends relationship problems, my sisters, totaled my truck, mowers breaking down on me, and just being unsure if I’m going to be able to pursue my firefighting dream.
My heart literally aches, throat gets tight, I lost 40lbs, and the spice withdrawal is making me go crazy now.
It’s all in my head, and it’s almost over.
I am at the top of the world, because I am literally aware of a higher power pulling the weeds out of my life.
It’s doing a full 180 degrees. I was just on the phone with a guy from the USA strongman association.
I’ll be back to finish my success story, if I remember this.
I love you all.
Don’t judge a book by its cover.