I used to just smoke weed, but when I was put on probation that ended quickly.
I still wanted a way to get high, so when I heard that you could smoke this spice stuff and still pass a drug test, I was intrigued.
I kept smoking, and progressively used more each day over the course of 6 months. By the end of my time using that stuff, I was smoking multiple blunts at a time.
When I got caught using, I had to throw it all away and quit.
I hated what it was doing to my body and mind.
I thought, once I quit this stuff, I’d be fine.
I couldn’t be more wrong.
One day a month after quitting, I looked out my window, and saw that my vision wasn’t the same.
I felt like I was still on spice.
My thoughts were cloudy, my head was pulsing and I felt detached from the world.
I tried not to panic as my heart raced uncontrollably.
I told myself that this feeling would go away eventually.
It’s been almost 2 years since I last used spice, and I still feel high to this day but not in a good way.
I get these “episodes” where I get heart palpitations and anxiety.
My vision never went back to normal; it’s always fuzzy and blurry and it’s always buzzing and lagging.
Whenever I’m at a spot I used to do spice it gives me a horrible flashback and I can’t ignore the things I saw during my trips. I throw up a lot for no reason, and have trouble keeping down food.
There are some days I feel so hopeless, and can’t find emotion or happiness in any of the things I do or people I talk to, because my head is so messed up and detached from reality.
It causes me to lose my temper horribly at times.
I lash out because I’m just so angry that my head isn’t the way it used to be.
No matter how good of a day I have, my mind always goes back to how miserable this endless high makes me and I can never run away from it.
Never touch this stuff; it will ruin your life forever.
Some people never feel better and end up killing themselves.
Even though I get hopeless, I know I’ll never give up.
I’m going to see a neurologist hopefully soon, but more than that if there’s anyone out there who feels the same way as me, don’t give up.
There’s going to be a cure for this one day.
I know it’s a new drug and there isn’t much information on it, but if every human being on the planet worked towards finding a cure, we’d find one and I know it’ll happen one day.
If we do find a cure I’m going to be the driving force behind it but please, to anyone out there who feels what I feel, just keep pushing forward.
One day things will get better, but if you don’t make it you’ll never know.
Don’t touch the crap again, and be patient.
Things will get better one day once we have operation or a way to reverse the damage done to our brains.
I just know it.