Wow, I really appreciate the feedback and candid comments about how these substances have really screwed up people’s lives and continue to screw people up for life because this shit is so easy to get online.
I’ve expedited the shit over night only to find the stuff I got wasn’t potent enough, so I’d buy it again and again until I finally got a batch of shit that literally knock me on my ass.
I wish I had these insights before I started using the shit about 4.5 years ago.
Funny, I initially heard about the stuff on NPR radio driving to work one day, and the entire stir it was causing.
I was 50 at the time and I worked in high tech industries where they always drug test for new positions.
I heard from others through the grapevine that the shit would super enhance sexual experiences, was cheap, readily available, and shit I could literally smoke it 24 hours before a drug test and nobody caught on.
So what was the downside? In the beginning, I remember going online and finding a business in Florida selling K2 really cheap.
So, I contacted this business online, which was posing as a bicycle shop on the outside, but out of the back room, yes all the K2 you wanted cheap.
In the beginning, even after the very first time I smoked the shit, wow it blew my doors off.
I never experienced such crazy orgasms during sex.
I remember smoking late at night, every night for a while and experiencing the wildest hallucinations and sensations ever.
My girlfriend was a drinker mostly, so she never really had a clue.
One night a massive thunderstorm moved into the area and the pounding of the rain on the roof and the thunder made such an unearthly rumble.
Man, it was like a cosmic awakening.
I started trying different brands before long and it was game on with the shit.
K2 eventually came out in the solid form, and that just meant you could even pack more into the bowl betweens episodes.
Never having tried any hard drugs in my life, short of pot in high school, I easily convinced myself there just wasn’t harm.
I was able to get up the next morning for work with no hangover, like booze — which I just couldn’t tolerate very well.
Hell, I found the golden goat. As time went on and on, I spent more of my life in the garage smoking the stuff.
I just couldn’t find any downside.
But, we all know how the story is going to end.
Over the last 4.5 years, I have quit and restarted a thousand times, talk about first all of the fucking money I was pissing away, not to mention all of the time I was spending time stoned off my ass especially during the weekend.
I finally gave up on dating, family, just became very isolated and removed from everyone.
The trade off at the time just didn’t seem like it mattered.
And when you smoke, you smoke 10 times a night until you just pass out on the floor.
Next morning, first thing, that’s how the weekend starts.
As time went on the good K2 became harder to find as the authorities were scrutinizing the hell out of it and banning it slowly.
Still no problem, though, because you could go online and find the shit by the ounce even cheaper, not as strong, but you’d just smoke more to get to the same point.
Really, in the beginning, I knew that I was becoming dependent on the shit to function on my days off. I never drove High or when someone was counting on me, but when possible, guess what.
I even got to a point where I would hide remote stashes in locations far away from my home, so that when I smoked my quota for the night, I’d have to wait until the next day or two to get back to a stash.
I rationalized I was still the one in control.
The stuff I was buying was coming out of Seattle and was really potent and cheap.
Yes, it was clearly marked: NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION.
Still I was in control and to prove it, I just start flushing large quantities down the toilet thinking this would get me back on track.
I’d quit for a week or two, but magically the shit would reappear in the mailbox the next day or two.
Fortunately, I never crossed paths with many of the debilitating and often tragic results many of you others ended up with, but I’m not a free man either.
I was extremely active and physically fit in my younger years and in perfect health.
As heavy smoking progressed, one of my major side effects was the toll it has taken on my vocal cords.
My voices have become extremely harsh and crack-illy. People cannot even recognize my voice anymore.
It is extremely hard for me to hold a conversation.
I struggle just to form a simple sentence.
I can barely talk on the phone.
More than 5 minutes of speaking is incredibly difficult.
People cannot understand much of what I’m trying to tell them. Let me tell you, It really sucks to go to a job interview, or talk to someone on the phone, or whisper softly to a girl when you fight and gasp for every word coming out of your mouth.
It has given me a completely different viewpoint regarding people with speech disabilities and vocal cord injuries.
I went to the doctor, my doctor whom I’ve had for 20+ years and let him look over things.
Because I was too ashamed to talk about how I have contributed this effect, his only guess was that acid reflux was causing the majority of the vocal cord stress and damage.
Also, some of my other blood test chemistry was way walked out from where it had been in the past several years.
He was clueless as to what was really happening.
He did his best to help, but I just couldn’t face up to telling him what was really going on.
So, I guess I figured as time went on, the damage was already done, so what the hell, I smoked as much as I wanted.
I wasn’t talking to anyone when I was stoned anyway.
I’ve smoked up on and off until a couple of weeks ago.
I’ve lived through those similar experiences of waking up in a pile of puke that I have no memory of happening.
I’d smoke 10-20 hits at a whack and literally pass out on the floor.
When I became conscious again, at least enough to reload the pipe, I’d do it again. One morning I woke up and the kitchen table was completely flipped over under a broken chair, no recollection of how it even happened.
Having been unemployed lately, I’ve had a great opportunity and great excuse to smoke every day, every night non-stop.
And one of the original reasons that I started was because of the sexual pleasure I was receiving in the beginning, well shit let me tell you most of the time I’ve become so impaired and unable to ejaculate that I don’t even fucking waste effort trying anymore.
But hell it was getting me so stoned off one or two hits; I’d just lie down on the floor and pass out.
Talk about a nasty shit taste in your mouth and lungs.
One morning I freaking woke up with the bathroom rug wrapped tightly around me with my pants off, I was cuddling it like a rag doll.
The last couple of weeks of withdrawals for me were the ultimate living hell.
I just wished that I would croak and be done with it.
But here like 7-8 days later after a week of nothing but stomach pain, queasiness, throwing up anything I ate, not being able to sleep 5 minutes a night for 5 days in a row, stressed out, puking, crying and sporadically experiencing one emotion to another, sadness, wonder what the fuck have I done to myself — thank God I finally had a day of peace and feeling like myself the last couple of days and nights.
I finally slept all night last night.
I’ve really been pounding the cranberry juice, green tea, watermelon.
Today I ate like 5 times and got outside with some of my family.
What the fuck was I thinking? This is a hurdle that once I cleared, I know that I’m going to pull through; I just have to deal with my voice and get back on long-term track.
I have hope once again, and simply have to post better dragons at the gate to this hell to keep me from relapsing ever again.
But you all have helped get me back to this point.
One of the things that I did on my laptop at home is to set parental security settings to block me from accessing any quickie aroma sights online.
Just write down and confirm a ridiculously long password, verify it, initialize the parental block for those sites, then flush it down the toilet.
The only thing I could do would reload the whole system which is such a giant pain in the ass.
Anyway God bless and best to all dealing with this.