I first tried spice 7 years ago. Thinking it was harmless, as i could easily buy it in head shops and internet sites.
Over the years, the UK kept banning certain strains, only for them to reappear on the shelves under a different name or strain.
The high slowly got stronger, and i slowly but surely became dependent.
There was never a minute i was high when i was not working.
The high got so addictive that my body would crave for it at 3am in the morning, and i would wake up needing a fix.
The high would last for twenty minutes, then the low would be longer until i could smoke again.
This vicious circle would be part of me for a solid 3 and a half years.
I put on so much weight, as i would frantically eat for hours.
I would ignore the sharp pain in my arms and legs and chest when smoking this synthetic cannabis.
I would not see my friends or family just so i could get high.
My wife never stopped telling me to give up for the sake of my two young kids. But a drug addict just doesn’t care – he just needs his fix.
I even lost my job due to poor performance.
I was getting paid handsomely, but work i guess realized that i wasn’t up to it anymore. So they sacked me.
Yet the penny didn’t drop.
I carried on smoking this ‘harmless’ drug, until i realized my kids were old enough to see that dad is high all the time.
I kinda got sick of my wife telling me the same thing, to stop.
It just had to stop. But stopping was so difficult.
The manic depression of not smoking was the hardest part. It took me 5 months to find work, and I told myself i needed to stop and i did.
It was not easy.
I would go to bed and toss and turn all night. Wake up in cold sweats trying cold turkey.
I even tried smoking skunk weed or hashish to wean off it, but both drugs offered no substitute.
I just couldn’t get high anymore, even with the illegal stuff.
This so-called legal high really messed me up.
I even went to Amsterdam, thinking i could get high on quality weed, but it seldom worked, realizing I’m just ruining my lungs for nothing.
August 2015 was the last time i bought some legal shit. Since then, i have scored hash – which does very little.
So, I am now writing this sober.
As i know the legal shit would eventually kill me, and the legal stuff would do the same but I cannot be asked to go scoring, making crappy small talk with dealers and basically not being around for my family.
Since stopping, I’ve regained more clarity. Don’t get me wrong, i would love to get that high again.
I’m 43, so I have decided enough is enough. I’ve been smoking since my late teens. It had to stop some point.
My close uncle died of mouth cancer a few weeks ago. He smoked much of his life. So that also contributed in my giving up legal and illegal weed.
He died a very painful death. I just don’t want that to happen to me.
My best friend and his wife also smoke the same. They would smoke 3 bags day between them. He had a good job that paid well, so they didn’t worry about buying it on a weekly basis.
My consumption was around 6 grams a weeks.
My best friend and his wife have split up. He’s now bipolar, and she’s getting counseling – she’s suffering from mental illness.
It affected my mental state, too.
So there’s no way this stuff is safe. It’s clearly not.
I’m now clean from it. I still crave it, but i know the day i have it again the binge eating, the isolated self loathing will start again.
The zombie in me will come out again.
Yet the back of my mind still wants to get high. I’m still fighting it.
I don’t drink, so its really hard getting through life without a stress release.
I take 5HTP, eat plenty of fruit and veg and exercise by walking around and hour to work.
I’ve just been told my contract is not getting renewed after 4 months. I’m now getting depressed that i have to look for work in the new year.
I only hope I don’t go for the quick fix and pay a visit to my local legal high shop.
I’m doing my best to cling onto sober life.
I’d appreciate if anyone could help me in the painful journey.