I’ve struggled with drug addiction since I was 14 years old. Spice was by far the most intoxicating, addictive drug I have ever done.I first tried spice when I was 14, I already smoked weed and liked it but I got in trouble at my school, and they started random drug testing me.
My friend told me about this medication called spice, and he said it didn’t show up in drug tests so I thought I’d try it. Since my first hit I was addicted, the puff hit me immediately and it was intense.
I fell in love; I wanted an escape, and I had found it. My second time trying it, I had an uncontrollable panic attack, my heart was racing and I was overwhelmed with a sense of impending doom, I was sure I was going to die at any moment.
I almost called 911 on myself, but I was with friends, and they convinced me not too. It wore off after about an hour and even though it was probably the scariest thing I had ever experienced, for some reason I wanted more anyway.
After the first couple times, I started using it every day, all day. I smoked before school, at school, and after school and at home. It was the first and last thing on my mind; I was completely consumed by this drug.
I did anything I could to get it, I lied, cheated, and stole from anyone to get high. I was raised with a strong sense of direction and morals, but once I found spice, I lost all of that. I didn’t care what I had to do, as long as I got high.
I would stand outside of the smoke shop for hours, asking anyone going in if they’d buy it for me and eventually someone always did. Needless to say, at this point I was an addict.
It continued throughout my high school and teen years. The great never ceased to amaze me, 1 or 2 hits would almost always be enough, even though I started using more and more. I smoked for four years straight with almost no days clean; that’s from 14 until I was 18.
I think back on these four years now, and I can barely remember a thing. It was all a hefty drug induced fog. All I remember is spice, it took everything away from me. It consumed my life.
Throughout my use, I had repeated panic attacks, I would get nauseous and vomit uncontrollably for hours at times, had visual and auditory hallucinations, tachycardia, I would pass out sometimes, and my mental state could be compared to that of a schizophrenia patient.
I couldn’t decipher from reality from the real world; I had delusions of grandeur, and I often had horrible thoughts. Even with all of the side effects I continued and my addiction only progressed. The cravings for the drug would take hold of me, and I wouldn’t stop until I was high again.
On reflection, I’m surprised this drug didn’t kill me. There were many times I thought I was going to die and there were also times when I would pass out and wake up covered in vomit. I could have fallen asleep and choked to death.
I’m sure my heart has aged many years from the elevated blood pressure and heart rate I regularly underwent.
A month before my 18th birthday, my crimes to get spice had caught up to me. I got arrested for the first time and even though it was my first time getting arrested I was locked up for 16 days because “I was a danger to myself.”
After this, I was put on probation, and at this time they had developed a test for the chemicals used in spice. I didn’t want to stay clean, but I felt forced to at first. Once I got out of juvenile hall, I had what some people call a spiritual awakening.
I found God. I was praying for a family member, and in an instant, my life flashed before my eyes, and I saw how destructive this drug was in my life and how God wanted me to stay clean.
I started attending 12 step recovery meeting and church all the time. I managed to stay clean for ten months, which was an eternity to me at the time and the longest I had been clean for four years.
Over time the urge to use came over me and my spirituality had slowly weakened, it wasn’t God who turned his back on me, I turned my back on God. I broke down and smoked spice again.
It took hold of me just as quickly as before and even more powerfully. Over the years of my use the chemicals regularly changed but I never stayed clean long enough to perceive a difference.
But after this long stretch of 10 months, the chemicals had changed drastically. They had an even larger effect on my mind and body. At this point, I had acquired a job and a car but once I relapsed it was all gone within a few months.
I started reverting to my old way of life and thinking; I would smoke until I would black out or pass out. I would come too from blackouts in random places; sometimes I would blackout for days at a time and this point, I learned that the new chemicals had stronger effects when withdrawing.
I couldn’t go more than an hour or two without starting to vomit violently, and I would have an extreme fever. I couldn’t keep food or water down, and when my stomach was empty, I would throw up bile. I would have cold sweats and crushing urges to use again to make all the pain go away.
I knew I couldn’t go on like this anymore and I had found out that all the smoke shops in my county were going to stop selling spice because the county was going to ban it. I wanted to die, I contemplated suicide every day, I felt trapped in an empty life.
I would pray that the next time I blacked out that spice would just take me, I didn’t care anymore. I tried to quit and ended up in the hospital because I was very dehydrated and sick, I stayed there for about three days and was released.
I still withdrew for weeks, but it was worst in the first three days. I was depressed and suicidal for a long time afterward, but I slowly came back.
After this my addiction continued, I couldn’t use Spice anymore, so I picked up harder drugs like heroin and meth. I even started using a needle. Nothing could compare to how much spice affected me, but it was as close as I could get. It continued on for another couple years.
Today I have been clean off any substances for almost six months, I am in a rehab because I finally came to terms with my addiction and accepted help. I wanted to write my story out to let everybody know that SPICE IS EVIL.
It destroyed my life, and I am still trying to pick up the pieces today. I am 21 years old now, and I am barely able to manage a simple life because of Spice. It all started with spice, and I graduated to harder substances because I couldn’t get Spice anymore.
Spice isn’t safe, it isn’t fun, it will kill you. I believe I only survived because of GOD’S GRACE. I’ve found a new way of life after years of dysfunction all thanks to him. It is possible to quit and if you haven’t tried it, don’t ever touch this disgusting stuff, it may be the last thing you’ll ever do.
I want this stuff off the shelves forever I urge anyone who will listen to help me in this endeavor; I watched it tear my life up as well as many of my friends around me.
If you’re addicted to spice, I know how you feel, quitting was the hardest thing I ever did. But it is possible! Get help! Don’t let Spice ruin your life as it did mine. I’ll be praying for you.
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If you or a loved one is addicted to spice, call our hotline at (844)666-1524 to find a treatment program near you.
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