I don’t know what to do anymore. My husband has been having to have some kind of high since he was a child, started with weed progressed there to pills in his teens. When we got together three years back I knew this but told him he could do weed and I would be okay with it since I was an occasional smoker myself. My husband HAS to be high to handle everyday life. Well after we got married we found out I was pregnant, I wanted everything to stop, I wasn’t going to put our son at risk being around it. I think it’s medicinal and is the only reason I could get pregnant since I suffer from anorexia but the law doesn’t care and I pick my son not being taken away. There is when the lies started.
All throughout my pregnancy he lied about not smoking, then he “stopped” again after our son was born. Then for his job he switched to Spices… and the last 18 months has been hell. I NEVER lie to my husband I try to be understanding but I am so sick of it I don’t even know why I stay other then he’s the father of my child and I took vows to be with him through sickness and in health. He lies constantly about smoking it, he wakes up in cold sweats, he sleeps non-stop, forgets everything, I can’t even leave him alone with our son because he’ll fall asleep watching him or forget I’m not there! In the past he has spent the last of our money buying spice when we needed diapers and such. I know I’m rambling but I don’t know what to do!
Like today, last night we had a talk about how much he was hurting me with the lies and smoking spice and how could he knowing our son needs his father and how he ignores us both now. He promised he’d man up. Had a great morning together he goes to work, I check the bank account and what do I see? He took out $50.00! I called him and he told me he bought 2 grams. I am beside myself. Do I leave him? He refuses to get help, or talk to anyone. He just says he’ll go cold turkey or slow down which never happens. I can’t tell my family or friends since I know what they’ll say, they’ll say leave him. If I leave him I know he’ll die or go to jail. If that happens how could I live with myself? And his family drugs are the norm and they all smoke spice, so when I say something they think I’m being over dramatic.
I wish people would understand how dangerous and addicting this drug is. It’s not just like weed, it’s a horrible drug that one can get so easily tearing families apart. He used to treat me so good, now he can’t even see me or our son in his drug haze. I’ve changed my whole life for our son for the better, why can’t he?
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